<Article appeared in Arkansas Rockstar Magazine>

Being a comedian in the great state of Arkansas has been a great experience and yes, I too dream like a Rockstar. Seeing myself in front of large crowds and being recognized before being introduced is always dancing around in my head. The welcoming nature of Arkansans has made this quite easy to experience.

I’ve traveled all over the state of Arkansas and surrounding states, performing in many different venues including theaters, parks, churches, clubs, bars, and even a tent at a deer camp. I’ve enjoyed many of the places I’ve been to and the hospitality of each.

You may be wondering where this article is going. Well I guess it’s kind of a review, rant, etc. I’ve been to most of the major entertainment venues in central Arkansas, but of course still have more to try. I am all about the food,

atmosphere, and even a nice comfortable bathroom. With that in mind, I have to say that I’ve ran into some terrible bathrooms that would make any person want to wash their hands just by my description of it. I’m not the sort to “out” any venue, but not having a decent bathroom that one can relax and take care of their business in, is crappy to say the least.

Dear venues, if we are paying for service, then pay attention. Here are some ways to know if you need to update or deep clean your restrooms:

? If your restroom allows for someone to peripherally size up the person next to them.
? If your toilet requires you to open the back to flush.
? If after you clean, it looks as bad as before.
? If your cook is too scared to wash his or her hands.
? If your bathroom door consists of someone standing outside to block the open view.
? If your lock consists of a latch, coat hanger, string and a screw, etc.
? If the walls in the stalls look like someone blew their nose on it from weeks prior.
? If a person is required to spread lime after they are done.
? If there are enough special curly hairs laying around to make something out of them.
? If it’s written on the wall, “For a good time, call Doc”.
? If the toilet paper holder consists of someone holding it under the stall for you.
? If the plunger is a reoccurring theme.
? If the mirror has “I’m watching you” scratched on it.
? If the paper towels smell like parmesan all the time and it's not a pizza place.
? If it’s brown and it was originally painted white.
? If flies won’t even go in.
? If you have a sign that says, “Please don’t flush”
? If your customers prefer to “hover” over an open fire rather than use your facilities.
? If dead animals are near it or in it.
? If the vent fan has melted.
? If the automatic air freshener sprays and you can’t smell a difference.

These are only a few off the top of my head, but I’m sure you get the point… By the way, regardless of the writing on the stall, please don’t call me for a good time unless it’s an actual party.

The bottom line is: don’t flush your business down the toilet because you don’t clean your crapper. Once again, I’m all about great food and atmosphere, just please make your bathroom a decent place that we don’t have to wait in long lines to use, where we can sit and ponder the rest of the awesomeness of your venue.

I guess you could say that I’m standing up for those sitting down. Hahaha

For everyone reading this, let us know your favorite places to ‘Go’ and we will compile a list of great pit stops.

See ya next time,
Michael “Doc” Davis

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