Un-DOC-Umented News – REAL News with a Twist of DOC
February 2011 Top 10
By: Michael “Doc” Davis (www.ComedianDoc.com)
1. Off of The Sun website (thesun.co.uk), it appears that a UK Student added a little extra flavor to his teacher’s coffee by tea bagging her coffee mug and placing a photo on his Facebook. Outside the fact of the student having a ball, apparently the teacher was traumatized when she found out where the nutmeg flavoring came from.
2. Momma Got Milk! I’m not sure how big this woman is, as in a cow or just a squirt, but a North Dakota woman said she already has 200 bags of her own milk in storage. She is trying to sell the stock for $2 per ounce according to UPI.com (upi.com). However, The Human Milk Banking Association is putting a squeeze on freelancers stating that there are safety risks involved. I wonder if they told her that she breast quit. Hmmmmm
3. Sometimes you've got to try to keep from popping off. A Florida man tried to rob a bank and it turned out to be an epic fail. The Orlando Sentinel (orlandosentinel.com) reported that during the arrest after a robbery attempt, the suspect’s prosthetic arm came off. I guess one should never try to commit a crime unarmed.
4. A story on NBC New York’s website (nbcnewyork.com) reported that Bed Bug cases are set to triple in their Public Schools. WHAT THE HECK are their schools doing with beds in them?!? Haven’t there been enough student / teacher problems? I’m just say’n.
5. Wow, I guess they thought of everything now… there are motorized lazy boys, wheelchairs, stairs, and now a motorized bed, according to Today’s THV’s Kitchen Sink (todaysthv.com). Although the bed was made for disabled persons by a man in Florida… My crazy mind could see this being abused a bit by the prostitution industry for the people that are on the go and could even be purchased on a lay away plan. I guess we shall see…
6. Out of ArcaMax Publishing (arcamax.com), an article about a study from Vancouver, British Columbia on food trays at malls yielded some pretty nasty news. It may be cleaner to eat off the floor than on a mall food tray. The study suggested that many of the food trays are as dirty as toilets. Does that mean you’re not just getting a meal; you’re getting a Crappy Meal with a special prize?
7. Here is another story that’s nuts! Canada’s CNews (cnews.canoe.ca) reported that a Toronto Police officer threatened to taser 2 suspect’s testicles. Neither suspect was intimidated by the threat. These guys may have been ballsy, but just the thought of my chestnuts roasting on an open fire is enough to make me agree to anything. Both of these guys are NUTS! My safe word is ‘Safe-word’.
8. In flight live entertainment is what a Russian airline is planning, based on what UPI Asia (upiasia.com) is reporting. The airline is planning on hiring clowns, actors, and other entertainment. When I first read this before I read the type of entertainment, I was trying to figure out how they were going to install poles and dollar machine changers. The extended high heels on the flight attendants would have been VERY uncomfortable.
9. The Orlando Sentinel (orlandosentinel.com) reported that 2 black bears trashed a car in Florida. Seems that the media is a bit racist towards bears if you ask me. You don’t hear as much news about white bears. Most people don’t know if a bear craps in the woods, but they did with this Ford Taurus… well they beat the crap out of it. It wasn’t built bear tough for sure.
10. Some guy in Tennessee was trying to check the gender of a poisonous copperhead snake, and POOF, the man is no longer among the living according to Yahoo News (news.yahoo.com). I’m not sure why one would care about the sex of a snake. Apparently this snake didn’t appreciate it and bit the guy as if it was saying KISS MY ASP!!!
More fun and entertaining articles can be found in Arkansas Rockstar Magazine.
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